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OMGGGG. SO TONIGHT, MY BFF AND I WERE HANGING OUT, AND I REMEMBERED THAT ONCE, SHE HIJACKED MY LJ AND POSTED INTENTIONAL BADFIC IN IT. SO I DECIDED TO REPOST IT:

Once upon a time there was a kid called Kyo, and well Kyo said he wasn't gay and everything but his penis liked to make funky dances to other boys, and would hide away when a vagina was near. This could have been a problem, he thought to himself.. Because he wasn't gay and not gay men liked vaginas, right? WRONG. SOME PRETEND. So Kyo was sads, and grew up shlonking it to other boys, though denied it greatly by imagining Shinya was really a woman. (Same with Mana and that other guy next to Miyavi I see up on Allie's wall.)

So Kyo went on being GayNOTGay, making a song about it and getting rich and all that glorious glamour crap. He felt that maybe money could buy him happiness!! ...AND LOTS OF MALE HOOKERS. LOL.

Which he did, btw. But shh. It's a sekrit.

However, one night would be the night that changed EVARYTHING!! SPOILER ALERT OMFG SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE OMG SPOILER OMFG. Yes, everything did indeed change when Kyo came across such a spoiler on the interwebs, and he wanted to cry, curl up into a ball and die. But he wanked instead, touching his long, long, long snake of puffy silkness and somewhat slippery wetness, jerking his arm and crying his soul out to this FIREPIT of UNDESCRIBABLE BECAUSE THE WRITER WAS LAZY pleasure. And splooged on...

"HAY WTF MAN.." Said the figure on the bed, kicking at the bedsheets to shoot up and whip out a long long long ass sword that wasn't his penis.

"...Sephiroth?" Kyo breathed, still in aftermath orgasm mode and brain fungled. LIKE WHOA, WHO WOULD OF EXPECTED THIS? WELL I DID LOLOLOL BUT THAT'S BECAUSE I COULDN'T THINK OF ALLIE'S FAVORITE GAY PAIRING WITH KYO BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I KNOW? LIKE FIRST I WAS THINKING MIYAVI BUT THAT'D BE TOO WEIRD BECAUSE NOW THE NAME JUST REMINDS ME OF MY CAT BECAUSED I CALLED IT MIYAVI. AND HE'S BLACK. ALL BLACK.

Anyway, back to the story!

"YEAH, WHY'D YOU WET ON ME BETCH?" Spat Sephiroth, waving his sword around like a pretty baton. "You think it's funny?! I'll show you funny, mister!" And with that, pounced on Kyo - who started screaming and kicking to get away, BUT NO AVAIL, HE WAS PINNED! (And thought this kind of Kinky.)

BIG STRONG hands curled about his new awakened desire and need and turned on silver haired men fetish thing, pumping with force and skilled something because I made myself food and forgot where that train of thought went. Anyway, so Sephiroth was jerking Kyo off.

To his surprise, the blond mewled and moaned, begging for MORE AND MORE AND MORE, until his voice was hoarse from the mere level tone of all the screaming and pleasure feeling and vocalness of being jerked off by Sephiroth. And then the hands were gone... Just like that.. Oh but wait, there they were again! ...Hold on, that didn't feel right though, that-- OH. MY. GOD. (Think Janice from FRIENDS OMFG.) COLD, WET, SLIPPERY fingers were UP HIS BUTT. WHUT.

But hey... This felt kind of nice, kind of good, Kyo thought to himself. Mmmmm buttseks-- and squeaked some more when they were gone and replaced by a much, much, MUCH... SMALLER thing.

Wait.

Kyo paused. Turned to Sephiroth.

Moments passed, until finally the silver haired freakish psycho spoke...

"What? You think I carry that long ass sword for nothing? SOMETHING has to make me awesome."

"..."

"..."

"...Okay."

"K." And on went Sephiroth, pushing his hips to unheard beat, pounding and thrusting and funking the hell out of Kyo! Who was bored but sort of enjoying it because then, those same large fingers came back to their place on his magical still hard peen. Again came the moaning, mutual pleasure and la di da of buttseks, making the author realize that HEY, I FORGOT TO EAT MY FOOD, AND HAVE SPENT AN HOUR ON THIS WTF.

So anyway, both orgasmed and were like omg omg omg "I LOVE YOU" AND "OMFG I LOVE YOU TOO" AND yeah. They were happy ever after.

THE END.


SRSLY, SARA, I LOVE YOU.
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January 2011

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